A coyote crossed my path. I was driving home late one night, and when I pulled into our neighbourhood, a coyote stepped into the street in front of me. I stopped the car. He was as large as a German Shepherd and elegant in his smooth gait. We locked eyes. He was astonishing. It was a spiritual encounter that took me out of my autopilot and reminded me that I was part of the natural world.
Then my life started to unravel. My wife and I were hoping to adopt a teenager, but after some confusing months the young man decided adoption wasn’t the right direction for him. The experience brought up my own struggles that I had gone through as a teenager. When the adoption didn’t move forward and I had more time on my hands again, I had to admit that my great job was turning into something unrecognizable that I hadn’t signed up for.
I did some research and found a wonderful therapist. I explored the past and the present and tried to check in more with my body instead of creating neat little narratives about my life in my mind. That’s when I realized something.
In my 40s, I’m still marching to the beat of voices in my head that aren’t mine. I am doing things that I feel I have to do because of what I was told when I was a child or a teenager. The scenery has changed (I live in a different country, on a different continent) and the people whose voices I replay are not around anymore. Nonetheless, the voices are powerful. They are sneaky and pretend to be my own thinking. It’s not easy to chase them out of my mind.
Do you hear voices like that? They tend to be discouraging:
- You can’t do this.
- That’s not possible.
- Who do you think you are?
I understood that if I continued to listen to these voices, I was the only one holding myself back. So I made a plan on how to move forward in a direction that was aligned with where I wanted to go. And the voices had immediate commentary about this: none of it was reasonable and I should pivot immediately to something I disliked to ensure my own safety.
I’m letting the voices chatter and I don’t pay them any mind. I get up in the morning excited to do the things I love. Nothing is easy and I’m learning every day. That’s alright. This is my life worth living.
If you want to succeed, come up with a plan and then stick to it. Monday, Wednesday, Friday or Tuesday, Thursday. Whatever works for you.
The voices are like the ups and downs of life — they come and go in waves. Recognize them and know that they can’t derail you.
You have a plan that you are going to hold on to on good days and on bad days. If you have to skip a day, that’s fine. You’re on the right track and nobody can convince you otherwise, not even these voices in your head.
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